They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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