New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
