look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
