I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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