then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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