see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
