Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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