I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
