I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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