dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
