just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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