I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize