so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
