After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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