I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My life is pants optional.
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