wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
