Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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