I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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