So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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