dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
