Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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