Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
