I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
