shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
