I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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