i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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