All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
