He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize