Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
