Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
