bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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