i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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