I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
