in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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