just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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