she was so not down for the gang bang
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
