I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
