I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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