i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
