I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
