Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
