Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
