I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
