I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
