it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Randomize
