When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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