i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
