I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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