I'm really into asian looking animals
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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