I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
