Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize