I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
