It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize