just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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