Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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