In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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