currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize