Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
