Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
