I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
