You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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