I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize