Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
