On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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