Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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