just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
