You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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