hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
