I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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