Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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