you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
