If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
