May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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