This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
