We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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